This was the first year that I seriously started wearing makeup. I had always sauntered through Sephora to pick up necessities, like eyebrow tweezers or nail polish remover, but the rest of the store sort of blurred together into nonsensical mud. Thanks to beauty gurus, I’ve got that shit figured out. It’s been a wild (expensive) trip, so let’s check out my favorite discoveries of the year!
I… don’t know what happened.
It was my birthday, and I bought things, I guess. Or someone died and left me a Sephora…
Birthday Haul time, y’all!!!
My eyelids absolutely eat makeup. Like a PMSing girl watching a chick flick with chocolate.
Stila liner doesn’t last on me. Kat Von D liner doesn’t last on me. Bobbi Brown gel liner gives the best fight, but still fades around hour 7.
I went bowling with it. I went laser tagging with it. (Yes, I am a 29 year old mom and I went laser tagging. Don’t judge.) I wore it on stage for an hour and a half.
This stuff is SERIOUS.
I won’t bore you with the entire history of the brand or the science behind what this serum does, because I am not a historian or a scientist. I will, however, share my favorite quote from the Drunk Elephant website:
“The name Drunk Elephant is rooted in a myth that says that elephants love to eat the fruit that has fallen from the Marula trees. Once eaten, fermentation occurs inside their very large tummies and the elephants become drunk!”
How fun is that?
Since my past couple of posts have been kind of negative, I decided to take a breath and do something fun. I created a tag!
If you are tagged, answer these questions, then tag some people. Let’s all celebrate being makeup addicts together.
Do you ever get to a point with trying foundations that you literally don’t know what color you are?
I am so. Bleepin’. Angry.
Seriously. I’m having trouble organizing my thoughts.
A $45 mascara should not flake HALFWAY DOWN MY CHEEK.
This is the Chantecaille Faux Cils mascara.
I saw Tati use a mascara from this brand. She used the $70 one, and that’s just ridiculous. But I thought that since some of my favorite mascaras are already $30, is $45 really that far a stretch if this is really the best mascara in the world? I’m also testing various makeup items to wear at my brother’s wedding, so when else will I have the excuse to try such extravagant things?
Here’s my before picture. Look how professional and optimistic I was! So naive, so high hoped. I put on zero other makeup (insert horrified scream) so that if there were any smudges, I’d know for sure it was the mascara, not any liner or shadow trying to trick me.
My lashes look great. Seriously, I was in love with this stuff immediately. Some of my lashes ended up so long it looked like I was wearing falsies… which… is the point. Long, defined, separated, fluffy, perfect. I was already lamenting the fact that I hadn’t bought five backup tubes during Black Friday sales.
Then, an hour later…
What. The. Bleep.
I mean… I’ve had panda eyes before. I’ve had to redo my under eye concealer plenty of times. I’m not being unreasonable.
But this picture was taken after I had spent an hour sitting in a chair feeding babies bottles.
I got this kind of fallout from SITTING. Blinking. Breathing. Existing.
I’m… gonna go… scream or something.